Ok, so I'm never too comfortable about ranting seeing as i feel they are my problems. But sometimes you've just got to let it out and boy do i love to rage.

So I am an otherkin. I live in a world entirely made of humans. There is not one otherkin friend that i have made that wasn't virtual. This is generally ok, but (and i don't mean to be too offensive) some humans are blinded, self centered, egotistical little twerps. They create so much useless drama and, being not of their mindset nor reality, i sometimes don't even know when i'm in that drama. They send mixed signals, don't say what they mean, lie, play games, glare at you angrily saying that it's no big deal, they're not mad when, being an empath, i know for a fact that they are. Being dragged around by my close floozy friend to situations that i just dont understand nor want to be part of simply because i am wolf in my social behavior. I have difficulty with situations where a female is jumping from one man to another. I am loyal and those things are just.... it's dumb! But i'm also one who cannot be courted by beta males. If i'm being pursued by a beta male and an alpha comes along, i'm going to go with the alpha simply because that is in my nature.

But how do you explain that to someone? How do i explain, to a human, that i don't go by the same rules as you by nature? How can i explain that i cannot be attracted to you because my animal is saying that you couldn't defend me nor the pack? And it's just dancing! I'm like this just for a dance! how messed up is that?

I guess the problem is i'm a Were being forced to live by the rules of humans, comparing myself to those same rules and realizing that it goes against myself to do it. I just hate being put in those situations all because my friend is selfish and wanted to go kiss some boy, leave me with his friends, though his friends made me uncomfortable.

I have to agree. This has got me into a lot of trouble over the years.

I have gone through periods of trying to fit in, desperately trying to be the same as everyone else, to be accepted. And I have gone through periods of trying to shock and going out of my way to be different.

Somewhere in all of that i seem to have lost me. I am beginning to pull me back together and I am finding new things about me every day. But the bottom line is that I am afraid to allow myself to be truly me because I dont know what that me is and I am afraid of what it might be.

I have always known that i am not completely human, that I dont think in the same way. I dont have the same values or the same prejudices or the same goals.

When I am in a crowd I look around at them and I know i dont belong

I am a lawyer and I see them with it all stripped bare. Some are mean minded and greedy, selfish and obsessive. I am beginning to hate the meanspiritedness and blindness to everything that is truly important I see in my job.

And yet, I can see great beauty in them. If only they would awaken and see what is truly important, to allow their true selves to shine through and to find some restraint for the violence that is as much part of their nature as it is of ours,

I think one of the reasons they are so mean is that they, even more that we, try to suppress the violence within them, and to justify the mean little ways in which it squeezez itself out.

I dispair for the world and I dispair for humanity but I am not prepared to turn on them or turn away from them.

Chakira, i feel exactly the same way. trying to fit in and all that. Crowds are definitely the worst, not just because i'm an uncontrolled empath, but because there is that undeniable knowledge that they and i are simply different. And i know a few of them sense it too. They can feel the difference. I've been told several times that when i walk into a room, people know even if they can't see me. I've heard that people want to get to know me, a sort of charisma. But i think it's just because i am an young alpha otherkin. I can't help but send out these....waves i guess. I can feel myself giving them off, but i can't stop it.

anyways. I too have lost myself between the struggle of acceptance and simply being. I've found the only way to find myself is to dance, to lose myself in the music. Sometimes just sitting in a chair with a headset on and my eyes closed. The music pounds through me and with the melodies go the preconceived notions about myself and the world. the notes fill my mind and silence the voices. They all listen to the same thing and in that moment of unity i can find myself.

can you guess that i love to dance?

i long to be accepted, to be able to share myself and be understood, believed and accepted by the closest to my heart, but i also long to be separate from them. I love these cousins that are my family and friends, but i also hate them for their blind arrogance and stupid suppositions. I wish to open their eyes and at the same time i wish just for them to go away. Mostly they just give me a headache so i go find a headset and fall into peace again.

My one wish is that someday humans finally learn to see, accept, and release themselves from their restraints built of greed, fear and narcissistic tendencies. I believe them to have the potential to do so, but i don't believe they have the motivation. I wish they had the motivation.

I have never managed to get that connection with music. Ian has, he loves music, lives for it even. He makes such beautiful music and I know that I cant give him the apprecaition he deserves because mustic just doesnt 'do it' for me.

Of course I like music, there are songs and pieces I love to listen to and to sing, but I dont lose myself in it, I dont live for it, given the choice I would rather do something else. I cant just sit and listen to music as I would be bored out of my mind, I have to be reading or sewing or typing or driving at the same time.

The closest I get to being lost in music is when I am singing.

I do love to dance though, at least I used to. Now, it is as much as I can do to walk

I have (finally) a few kin friends that are real, in body, people. It was a surprise to me how much difference it made, knowing that they were there.
I grew up with kin, both my mother and my grandmere. So I have clan to be myself with, but it does amaze me when I hear kin say 'I have spent all my life trying to find a way to fit in'. You really won't find one, because you really don't fit in.
It is harsh, and an awful thing, and if the people you do not fit in with are your family it must be extremely painful too.
The answer would be simple if only it were possible. Leave them, dump them and run. Find your own kind and live your own life, as a member of a society who accepts you for who you are. But of course we all have humans we love, even me.
I am lucky, because I have kin who accept me in my family, but I also have it on this forum.
I have adopted all of you as my family, you are the most important people in my world, you are my people, you are my kin, (and here is a thought for all of us) now I am not just me and you are not just you, we are US.
Your human family will always have a special place in your heart because they are your family. They will be accepted as one of us because of YOU. They will be part of the whole simply because they know you. Your friends will be included aswell, for as long as you wish it.
I do not hate humans. That would be stupid and pointless.
But I avoid them as much as I can, because I choose to, because that is how I want it. I do not care what they think of me and luckily I don't have to, but now you are all part of us. You have a group if you want it. And although it may start just as an online connection it may not remain that way always. Mine evolved into so much more.
Even though I have never met you, I love you all. You are my kin and nothing can ever take that away from any of us.

Oooh that was my first rant!
How did I do?

Darkness.

very inspiring rant, InDarkness. You did a marvelous job.

I am now just beginning to see the things you already see. Just this last weekend i went to a human wedding surrounding their human god and it was the weirdest experience. I was left out and for the first time, i was glad. I love them, and i desperately want some of them to love me, but, because of cruel words given with the sharp point that only those you love and trust can deliver them, i have finally been pushed to want them. If someone who is supposed to love me endlessly can hate the truth of me so completely when i barely even bring it out, i do not want to join them. I cannot do that to another. Hate them for merely being themselves. It may annoy me, but i will not hate aspects of their nature. I do not want to be completely accepted by a family such as that. I do not need it. If they want to be accepted by me, so be it but i can no longer attempt to govern myself so that they can accept me.

luckily (i have come to the conclusion that) my father is kin, though he is unaware of it and happily remains so for otherkin does not fit in his view of the world and to be that which is alien would most likely devastate him. But he anchors me in only the way he can, by merely standing beside him and feeling the likeness in both of us. I have one physical member, though i cannot share my kin secrets with him, and for now, that is enough of a physical family to station me as i continue to share and love you all, my virtual kin family.

without you i would be lost in the dark and in the light, alone without knowing why, with questions that have no answers and answers that have no questions. you are a gift, a treasure, and you've all saved me in ways i can only barely imagine. Thank you, mi familia.

whiskers,
kat

I can't add very much to that other than to say that I absolutely associate with everything you have both said and that I, too see you all as my family in a way I have never seen my own family.

As Katie says I will never stop loving my own family but I have recognised that they will never understand me or see what I truly am in the way you do. I will always be here for you all in whatever way I can over the distance. And if you ever visit South Wales my door will be open to you as is my heart

Same thing, different day.

I have known my roommate for over thirteen years. We've grown up together. I moved to my current location because she asked me to. We're "best friends" and i know all of her quirks and fancies.

She's human.

She doesn't know what i am nor would she believe me. She doesn't love me enough to really hold me when i cry nor to give me sympathy as my heart breaks. I've tried to understand her but i've pushed her farther and farther away because she is my opposite. I cannot do stuff with someone if i am not promised to them a little. I just can't. She just likes to 'have fun'. This is the only major difference that i can come up with that makes her do and say the things she does.

She told my crushes best friend that i am an obsessive girl who can change her mind about a guy easily. One month i'm obsessing about one guy, the next another and so forth.

At least i bloody well give a *Bunnies* about the guys i want. And way to paint the picture of a crazy lady to my desires best friend. Thanks pal. Thanks a lot. Worst thing about all this, i was in the next room. At least have the decency to talk about me when i'm not next door. Please. Thanks. I just don't get it. I tell her about my heart and mind, about whom i like and why and i talk to her to try to understand the signals i get from the ones who can hide it so well. And then she twists it and tells someone my secrets.

My instinct has been telling me for a while now that she talks about me, paints a none too flattering picture of me to other people mostly because of the change in the eyes that comes when i see people who are mutual friends. This is just the lock on the chain, the proof that i've been hoping to not receive.

I have the feeling that it comes from something she's envious about. But i don't understand what that can be. Why is someone who's sposed to be my best friend stabbing me in the back? Why do i continually find myself back in high school playing a stupid drama that makes no sense and makes me want to either cry or rip someone a new one.

and i can't do anything to hurt her. She can stab me in the back and i'll bleed to death simply because i'm loyal to her. She has to do it to my face. that's the only way i can defend myself. the only way i can save face. the only way i can stop her from destroying another almost relationship.

i'm so tired of these games. I don't want to play when i don't know the rules. And i'm tired of losing my self and my chances because she's a vindictive little girl who's getting back at me for something or other when i can't even recall doing anything to her. What is it with some humans and their inability to be kind? Why do they say one thing and do another? Why do they lie? Why do they hurt? More importantly, why do i still care? I'm not going to go around and telling all her friends that she's a floozy, but she over exaggerates my crushes and makes me feel a fool.

Who can i trust if my best friend betrays me?

Trust yourself. You will always be true to you.

If you are anything like me you will carry on trusting your friend to. At the end of the day there must be something to her that attracts you to her. SHe must have something good about her to be lucky enough to have a friend like you.

So if you dont feel able to walk away and find someone who really is a true friend in every sense of the word there is really only one thing you can do. Play to her good points and recognise and avoid her bad points,

If she is a good person to party with then party with her, If she cant be trusted then dont trust her with your intimate secrets.

I truly hope that you will soon meet someone who can be everything to you, that you are to them. If not a relationship then a friend who will show you what it means to be a true frined.

Until then....well you still have us

thank you chakira. venting about it made me feel a whole lot better. I've just got to not tell her my secrets if she can't keep them. I think i would go completely mad if i didn't have you guys, at least there's some 'sanity' in the world.

Ummmmmm......Sanity? Me? Ummmmmm...nah. Who needs sanity in a world like this. I much prefer to play amongst the loonies and the crazies than to live in the world of the sane. I have to visit every day to work but...hey...nice place to visit (ish) but I wouldnt want to lvie there

haha, that's why i put it as 'sanity'. for this insanity is my sanity. and boy do i love it.

I just dont like the ones I'm around.


one second their friends with you and then they just turn and shout at you when you do the tiniest thing wrong.

and your unhappily playing with some other kids that you would much rather stay away from (but hey where will the other kids find a referee, even though they dont need one because they know the rules better than I do) when you get hit from behind by someone who got told that you had called him wierd and that he smells.

I just dont have time for them

natural wolf

If that is the way you are treated natural wolf I am not surprised you don't like them. I hope you find better friends in the future, both here and in school.

I find it hard to accept that this world is the world of sanity. If that is the case, with it's wars and ecological disasters, careless guardianship of the planet and it's resources and the endless exploitation of everything on it then we are all doomed.


Lady C.