This may only be me, but as far back as my life goes, I cannot erase the feeling that I have done something wrong. I don't step into churches any more because I don't dare look up at the altars, I cant remember what I did wrong but the feelings always there. Its hard, I've woken up a couple of times from dreams I cant remember with wounds I cant explain, my only frien I could turn to, because she knows what I am told me to here. I am afraid that somehow these wounds are just a herald of worst things to come. But if I knew I deserved my punishment I wouldn't care. I just want to know what I'm being punished for.

we're all here for you. i too have those types of feelings. If you could dig up a little more detail that would be nice. other than that for me, we'll help as much as we can.

Silver

Well said Silver.
Being here for others is one of the reasons for this forum being here at all.
Silver is also right in that if you can help with any details at all Demetry they would be very useful in helping you with your situation.
For instance is the feeling there all the time or is there a particular event which makes it feel stronger.
Where have you had wounds and what type were they ...did they fade or heal abnormally quickly and do you have any scars from them?
Sorry for the questions but if you can answer them for me they will help.
Thanksyou

Zygo

p.s Silver if there is any of this that rings bells for you perhaps a little detail of your own experiences may be helpful too... Zygo

The wounds heal in ordinary time and they are usually lacerations across my back and chest. Once they were so bad I blacked out as soon as I woke up. They can come at any time I have no warnings or signs.

Do you think your feelings of being punished come from your Fallen essence only or is there a connection to the human being you are right now aswell?
Lots of Fallen say they feel like they are abandoned and rejected, and they feel that it is coming from the Fallen stories and their connection to them.
Is yours likely to be this or do you feel there is more to it than that?

Wounds are not common, but are not unheard of. Mostly the people who get them say they are from wounds inflicted in dreams or sparks of memory that come without warning and leave a visible reminder of the occurance from the memory.
Do you feel like they are new wounds or are they familiar to you?
Do you ever get aches and pains where the wounds have been once they've faded?
Do you look down and expect to see a scar and are you surprised when there isn't one? Or is there one sometimes?

I apologise for all the questions, but like the others who have replied, I am very curious and would like to help if I can.

I read your post and it made me think of another post I had read here that told the tale of The Fallen in a way that was caring and thought provoking.
I wondered if you read it maybe it might make you think a different way about what you did that was so wrong in the eyes of one group of people, but that others thought was nothing to be ashamed of. Only a natural and loving happening between people.
http://otherkin.30.forumer.com/index.php?s...0&hl=the+source

You say you have only told one friend about this, and while yes you will find the support of friendship here, and hopefully answers to your queries, there are some things you can do.

From a metaphysical sense, see about getting your hands on some amethyst. amethyst is a purple quartz stone that is believed to have innate spiritual protective properties. You should align to yourself by placing it in salt water for 24 hours, then point it towards magnetic North for 24 hours while it dries. This process is believed to tune its protective properties towards you. This "charge" lasts until someone other than you touches it, so I recommend placing it in a bag (plastic if you are cheap like me, felt if you feel like it) and putting it either under your pillow, bed or in a nearby drawer. If it is in a bag, people are less likely to touch it.

Before sleeping, use a white light protective spell/prayer, a quick google search will come up with dozens of them, pick one you like or make one yourself.

From a physical sense. If you are experiencing actual physical wounds on your body, I cannot recommend enough that you talk to a doctor about it. This does not mean you have to tell your doctor that you believe you're a Fallen Angel and that you're being punished for your crimes, you tell the stone cold truth of the physical matter. You have found marks on your person, cuts and lacerations that you cannot explain. You cannot discern and pattern nor cause for them. You may be recommended to a psychologist's office as many times such phenomena can be the mark of either mental illness of you or possibly abuse from someone else. The psychologist will not project it on you, and so long as you are rational and honest, there is no reason you'll be deemed such.

If you cut your finger, you get a band-aid, if you're having odd wounds, you see a doctor. The Otherkin community can't really help you if this is a medical condition, and I am not nearly qualified enough to tell you if it is or isn't, I am qualified enough however to tell you it is in your best interests to check it out.

Terro is correct, Amethyst is a fine stone to use for protection against nightmares, bad dreams and drunkenness, and it does have some healing properties too, however if a psychic attack is part of the problem, which it sounds like it could be, then you would do much better to use a clear quartz crystal instead. Clear quartz is not only an excellent protection stone for day and night, it also has strong healing properties. Unlike Amethyst it strengthens the psychic abilities to help guard you against any psychic attack, either intentional or unintentional, and will also help you raise your inner power so giving you the chance to better protect yourself.
Cleanse it and programme it for it's intended use by using the methods given here:
Moon's crystal cleansing and programming instructions.
Posts 3 and 4 give clear instructions on how to cleanse and programme crystals and stones.
Then place it under your pillow as you sleep. When you wake up make sure you put it in your pocket or somewhere so you carry it with you all day, when you sleep again return it to your pillow. Having it with you around the clock will help protect you, if you feel it needs recharging place it in a sunny spot for a few hours, or if it needs cleansing again repeat the cleansing process but be sure to reprogramme it again afterwards.

I looked for any of the white light protection spells that Terro said were easily available on Google, but couldn't find one that I would recommend you to use.
However my mum had one that she says is simple and effective.
{{She also says that if you haven't already been checked out by a doctor for your mysterious cuts then Terro's advice about seeing one and being checked medically is very good and should be followed ASAP, just to be certain that you do not have a medical problem which is causing this.}}

Protection Spell
Sit comfortably on the floor with a clear quartz crystal in your cupped hands. (If you chose a clear quartz crystal for protection against psychic attack while you sleep like I mentioned above, then you could use the same one for this aswell.) Light a candle and gaze into the flame. Breathe softly and evenly and when you feel calm and relaxed imagine yourself taking the energy of the flame into you. Absorb it through your skin and feel it glowing warm and protective just below the surface. Surround yourself with the energy from the candle, feel it as though you had stepped into the candle flame and were surrounded by the cleansing, protective heat of the candle. Now say these words:

I craft my protection from flame,
I guard my essence well.
Those who mean me harm,
find no way through my spell.
My inner power guides my way,
my inner strength revealed.
The energy of fire,
adds it's power to my shield.

As you say the words visualise a shining golden glow surrounding you, covering your body, and standing about 12 inches from the surface of your skin. See that no harm can enter, any negativity just burns up on contact with the flames, leaving you calm and unhurt inside your protective shield.
Breath gently in through your nose and out through your mouth. As you breathe out channel some of the energy you have raised into the crystal with each breath. Do this for a few minutes, feeling the energy settling into the crystal. It will quickly absorb the energy and you carry the crystal with you either wearing it as jewelery or placing it in a pocket. If you ever feel your shield slipping or you think you might need an extra boost all you have to do is touch the crystal and it will give you what you need.

One last point to mention is that you should never put crystals or stones into plastic bags. Energy and Magic needs to flow and breathe, and a plastic bag stifles that. If you want to protect it and allow it to breathe then wrap it in a piece of silk cloth, or if silk is something you cannot get hold of then a plain cotton hanky or a piece of a cotton tea towel will do the job just as well, and you can buy them cheaply from almost anywhere.

I really hope this post has helped. If you need to contact me for any reason then please, please do. I am usually around and do check in regularly even though I do not always post.
This is actually something I am trying to fix as I have been very neglectful of this forum lately and hadn't really thought of it until I had it pointed out to me by a friend.

My personal white light spell that I use is simple:

convince yourself of warmth, imagine yourself as if you were on fire, heat pouring out of your body, push energy around you, then envision a blinding white light around you, emanating from you and into the surrounding area (I usually envision it to the size of the room I am within). Then say, think or otherwise project the following:

"This white light protects me
it fills my body and surrounds me
it is a gift from the Creator.
No harm shall come to me.
No creature who wishes me ill shall step within."

Convince yourself of these words, believe them and they shall be true. Magic is about willpower, make yours strong and you should be in good condition.

I am constantly amazed by the fact that people might need reminding or prompting to take physical symptoms to a medical professional. I would always do that, and I suppose because I would, I tend to believe that others would do that too.
I am discovering though that not only do some people just blame their Kinness for their problems and look for a magical/mystical solution, but also, sadly, some people have no way to get to the doctors with their symptoms, and some simply cannot afford to go to the doctors, so look for another reason and solution, or ignore it all together.
Living in the UK makes seeing a doctor and keeping healthy so much easier to do, and I am ashamed to say I am realising that I have always taken it for granted.
For anyone in the UK who does not take things like this to the doctor first, then you should. You should always rule out medical reasons for your symptoms before moving on to other things.
My advice would be just the same for anyone in the US, but can anyone tell me is there anywhere else besides hospitals and doctors surgeries to go to for medical help? Perhaps some kind of clinic attached to your local high school or anything?

Ive already tried doctors, but they keep asking where I got them and thts kind of difficult to explain.

But if you have had them checked out by doctors and they are asking you what is causing them what use is that? Honestly doctors can be so hopeless sometimes.
Didn't they give you any possible explanation for them medically, or did they just not have a clue?
Did they at least say it wasn't anything that urgently needed attention or something comforting that would stop you worrying?

Disclaimer: I am in no way attacking any poster, staff member, bystander or guest with this post. This post is in response to criticism of the doctor's approach and in suggestion of how to pursue a decent medical explanation.

actually no, that's quite an important medical question to ask.

A huge part of the diagnosis is finding the cause, you can't find the cause if you don't know the circumstances from which they occurred.

This is the point in being, in order for something to leave lacerations on your body, there had to be a physical manifestation of energy enough so that it cut through your skin and left a wound. That's kind of a big deal if it actually happened spiritually, thusly I am very, very inclined to believe the problem is medical in nature, rather than jumping to say it is spiritual in nature.

Disclaimer: I am not in the previous paragraph trying to assert in any capacity that the poster is lying, I grant benefit of doubt that the lacerations exist and trust the user to be telling us the truth. If it appears that this is in any way attacking the credibility or integrity, it is a mis-communication, please point any such mis-communication out such that I may correct it to say accurately what I mean

It's not difficult to explain at all, explain how you got them. Where were you at the time, do you remember having scratched or cut yourself prior, if you were asleep, what were you doing the day before, how long did it take for you to notice the cuts...

You don't have to say, "yes doctor, I was battling astral demons and they got the jump on me, I won't let them do it again."

Disclaimer: The previous paragraph did not intend to state that the poster actually stated the posted quotation, nor that such a situation actually occurred. It was an exaggeration of a poor and standard nonsense reply. I am attempting to state that you can represent yourself to a medical professional in a professional means. The Doctor will treat you, no matter what beliefs you may possess, but answer the Doctor's questions honestly in order to get a good medical answer. If anything in this post appeared to be insulting the credibility or integrity of the member in question, or any member of this forum, please point it out that I may correct the problem to accurately reflect what I mean to say

In response to that Camille, over here in the US, we have hospitals and emergency rooms just like everyone else, and then we have clinics... Again, just like everyone else.... Except ours cost. I really does suck that our nation is a service industry. So we have clinics and doctor's offices and the like, but you must have insurance, or a nice wad of cash to be able to afford them.


Now then, in response to Terro. I can't speak for her, obviously, but I THINK that when Camille said:

She might've been referring to experiences that several of us might have had with doctors. Where you go to them with some problem, that you honestly really don't know when it started or what might've caused it. You have no idea, after all, you don't hold any medical degree. The doctor then proceeds to say something like:

While I do agree that asking the circumstances of the malody and requesting other such related information is a valid and very strong part of the diagnostic. Some doctors have proven themselves incompetent by twisting those important questions into a very simple and stupid one usually like the one I've just quoted above. Just for those wondering, I have had this done to me by doctor's. I am not making it up.


Hope I cleared things up,
~Farshief

Yes I have had that done to me aswell, and yes that is kind of where I was coming from Travis, so thankyou for explaining that in a more understandable way for me.

Terro you have made some really good points in your post and I would not argue with the logic or the good advice you have given. A huge part of a diagnosis is finding the cause, I think my comment was more about commiserating with Demetry about the fact that the consultation hadn't revealed anything useful to him than to imply that it would be a waste of time to take your ailments to a doctor first. If that was the impression I gave, that was not my intention.
The most any of us can do is trust that what the people say on here is the truth, or perhaps it would be better to say that the least we can do is treat them as though what they are telling us is the truth. If it isn't then that is an issue with them, not with us. If they want to waste their time posting lies then we have no way to control that, I don't consider replying to posts like that as a waste of my time, because firstly I am here to help people with whatever they think I may be able to help them with, and secondly I almost always learn a lot about myself while I am formulating my replies to the posts left by the others on this forum.
Every person here has a lesson to teach me, either about themselves, the world, or about myself. The responsibility to listen closely enough to hear them and learn those lessons is mine, and no-one else's.
Without a single doubt in my mind I can tell you that I am not the same person that I was when I opened this forum just over a year ago.
I have learned and changed so much that I barely recognise myself, and I have all of the members both past and present to thank for that.

I wish the doctors had been able to help you in any way Demetry, perhaps if you take some of Terro's advice about what to tell them when they ask you where they came from or how you got them, and then gave it another try, you might actually get some useful answers from the medical professional you see. I hope so anyway.

Lady C.